Camden Uniting - a family community growing in faith

Humour

Church Bulletin Bloopers

  • The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
  • The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
  • Evening massage - 6 p.m.
  • Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
  • The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
  • The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
  • Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
  • Ushers will eat latecomers.
  • The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
  • During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
  • Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
  • Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
  • A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
  • On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
  • Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
  • Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
  • Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Computer Spell Checker

The Purfect Poem:

I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue,
Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it,
I'm sure your please to no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.


Seen on Church Signs

"Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case!"

"The best vitamin for a Christian is B1"

"Under same management for over 2000 years"

"Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church"

"Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What's yours?"

"Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible"

"It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees"

"What part of "THOU SHALT NOT" don't you understand?"

"Can't sleep? Try counting your blessings"

"Forbidden fruit creates many jams"

"Christians, keep the faith... But not from others!"

"Satan subtracts and divides. God adds and multiplies"

"God answers knee mail"